Before Opokua Britton Cavaco became a doula to help support women during pregnancy and birth, she worked as a nurse in palliative care. She says there is something similar about being present when somebody leaves the world and when somebody arrives; they both happen in the liminal space between worlds.
“I often think that when I die, I'll think about all the people I've been next to when they died and when they were born, and that's a beautiful feeling.”
In most cultures, the time after birth is seen as particularly vulnerable for the baby and mother, because the window between the worlds is still open. Special care must be taken to ensure protection and health. For example, the mother is given rest, support, and warm food, and the placenta is cared for in the proper way (often buried). It’s only in our modern culture that it’s expected for mothers to “bounce back” as soon as possible, and for families to manage postpartum on their own, without support.
Opokua says,
“We have a belief that you're supposed to be able to manage by yourself, that asking for support or help is seen as weakness… People are uncomfortable with receiving support, and they are also uncomfortable with offering support, and that’s a very bad combination during the postpartum period.”
She explains that offering support doesn’t have to be complicated:
“You don't have to do anything, you don't have to save anybody, just be there for somebody. You don't have to have the right words. I think you're putting too much focus on yourself, and that's why it becomes hard.”
In the preparation for this episode, I kept thinking about how postpartum culture says so much about our culture in general, and that so many of the things needed after a birth are the same things needed after any big and challenging life-transition: support from an understanding community, nutritious food made with love, and (often) appropriate rituals.
I hope you enjoy the conversation!
